The life of a young widowed father with the will to help others with advice and positivity.

Mummy has died and she will never be coming back

 

Mummy has died and she will never be coming back.

These words seem to slip off the tongue so easily these days and the meaning of what I am actually saying doesn’t seem to register in my head.

The Kids and I obviously often talk about mummy and thankfully it’s mostly in a happy and positive way. There are times though when they are missing her or want her. During these times one of the kids will often ask me if mummy is coming back or when she is coming back. I know they know she won’t but it’s like they keep testing the water just in case I say something different.

I knew early on that I had to be honest with them about what had happened and I was sure with myself that I would never deviate from the facts.

Mummy is dead and she will never be coming back.

It’s the harsh truth and If I ever gave them any hope of anything different I knew it would knock them off their tracks and bringing them back on track would be difficult. So since that awful day I have had to constantly re-iterate the facts to my children. Initially it was daily and now it’s only now and then but like I said; I say those words as if I am a broken record and as if the meaning of what I am saying is not important.

Mummy is dead and she will never be coming back. A short and simple sentence but with an enormous meaning for my two kids.

When I realised just how nonchalant I was when saying these words I really had to think about why that was the case. I spent some time saying it out loud just to make myself hear it. I mean really properly hear it; understanding each word and the meaning behind the sentence. To be honest I quite prefer the broken record option rather than the realisation of it. Most of the time I won’t even realise the meaning of what I am saying and that’s fine with me. The kids will understand what I am saying and that’s the main thing. I know the reality of it all and I don’t need to be reminded of it so I will continue to say it as I do..

I think sometimes it’s OK to be like this. It sounds harsh but life is not always easy and certainly the events that have occurred in my life have been harsh. I also realise that I don’t need to immerse myself in it all the time. Saying these words like they mean nothing I think is OK as long as I don’t lose sight of their real meaning. I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I will continue to stick to the facts so the kids continue moving forward in the right direction.

So I maintain the points I mentioned in a previous Blog Post

  • Mummy is never coming back
  • We cannot get her back
  • Mummy wanted us to live our lives and be happy
  • It’s very sad mummy has died but we all deserve to live our lives and be happy

These point have given my kids the clear facts but also something positive for them to think about. Of course it’s sad what has happened but it’s true that no matter what happens all Helen and I wanted for our kids is happiness and there is nothing stopping them having that. Anyone who know them will never know what they have been through because they are two of the happiest little kids I have ever met. It’s a rare occasion to not see a smile on their faces.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that you can be honest with children. Sometimes brutally honest and still enable them to have a happy childhood. It’s not easy at all but it’s what they deserve.

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3 comments on “Mummy has died and she will never be coming back

  1. Mandy says:

    Hi – you sound like you are doing exactly the right thing with the kids and saying all the right stuff. I read your 1 year anniversary and could identify with everything you said. It was a year ago on March 7th this year my husband Rob died of cancer aged 54 and i thought i would be okish on the anniversary but like yourself i relieved every hour of what went on during that awful day a year ago. I also needed to acknowledge the exact time he died. It is a year today we had the funeral and i have relived that today too. I am trying to remain positive like yourself and i know Rob would want me to carry on and enjoy my life but its hard and i miss him terribly.
    I have enjoyed reading your blogg, i think you feel like you are the only person in the world to lose someone you love so much and it is a comfort to know there are lots of us and we are all getting through it how we can.
    love and big hugs to you and your children – Mandy.

  2. Ravi says:

    Thanks for the blog. It is good to know the different emotions others go through in similar situations and that I am not alone.

    My wife of almost 15 years passed away last August from a brain tumor. We have one daughter who is now 8.5 years old. The first few months were very difficult – she would wake up at least one day a week sobbing and I would just hold her. I think I was just a zombie going through motions. Now my daughter is better. Today I was telling her that I miss her mom and she said: just hug me, I look like mom.

    The past few days I have been looking at old photographs and am realizing that we had a very goid day to day life. My focus had been on the cancer, treatments and some difficult time and arguements and fights. Now reliving amen missing basic things: handling around the house on weekends; going to the store; drinking tea; meeting together with school teachers. Makes me feel better – and very sad…:(

    Good luck,
    Ravi

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