The life of a young widowed father with the will to help others with advice and positivity.

Everybody has a choice


Everybody has a choice.

While Helen was alive and certainly more so since she passed away I have had many people say how bad my story is and how hard it must be. Some would also go on to mention about troubles in their lives and how hard it was/is but also making it obvious that there was no comparison between my troubles and theirs. Well, of course what has happened to me and my family is tragic but I would always be sure to explain to these people that we all have problems in life and they are all relative to us.

When I mean problems though I mean real problems. Not that you have less parking at work so have to walk further or that your fridge has packed up and all the food is ruined. I mean real problems that effect people in their everyday lives. I personally wouldn’t say what has happened to me is worse than someone losing a grandparent. Again, that’s not to say my story isn’t bad but it’s because I don’t think there should be a comparison. Everyone will perceive their own problems in their own way based on their own experiences, emotions and background.

This got me thinking more about the fact that everybody has a choice in life.

I think I need to be clear here when I say everybody has a choice. Their are very extreme circumstances where people don’t have a choice… Kidnapping, murder.. things out of our control. So here I am talking about life for the majority of people living in the world who live their lives in I suppose what is perceived in a normal way.

So everyone has a choice of how to react to the problems they face. A choice to be miserable or happy. I have said before that no one can be happy 100% of the time. I am ever the optimist but life can still get me down. It’s how you choose to deal with those negative emotions. It’s easy to wallow in negativity rather that looking for joy in your life. It’s all so easy to take for granted what we have. I also see people dwelling on things that are out of their control which can lead to some very difficult dark places where you don’t need to be.

As an example I can look at the treatment Helen had for her cancer and dwell on the fact that it didn’t work for her. I could dwell on the fact that we as a human race don’t know enough about Cancer to help people get better. So many what if’s flying around my thoughts. But actually when I play the last 4 years through in my head I think we made all the right decisions based on the information we had at the time. We followed the advice from the people who we trusted and from the information we gathered. I can’t dwell on these what if’s as it will get me no where. I simply have to put it down to bad bloody luck. One day maybe we will find out the reason why people get cancer and will answer some of my questions. I would love to see that day come but I am also sure that when that day comes there will be some other disease that we have to start battling with.

I think the below sums it all up perfectly.

An extract from Dr. R Joseph

In considering the multitude of forces that act on human beings—selective pressures over the course of evolution, heredity, genetics, biochemical fluctuations, how our parents raised us, and the cultural biases that we are all subject to—it may well seem that all our behaviour is determined by causal factors set in motion so long ago that we are helpless to alter their course. Certainly order exists in the universe, we are affected by our environment, and forces such as fate, God, or even our astrological sign (if we wish to believe in such things) may exert some influences on our behaviour. Nevertheless, we are not completely at the mercy of forces over which we have absolutely no control. We are still capable of making choices.



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