A Widowed Single Parent
The reality of being a single parent hit me quite early on after Helen passed away
This was it… I was the kids sole parent forever and their last surviving parent. I’m the only person left in the world who would love them like only a mother or father would do.
The responsibility of being alone bringing them up in this world can feel quite overwhelming. What worries me the most is what if something happens to me!! Helen and I had very similar views of how we wanted to parent our children and we were very similar as people so if I wasn’t here the way we wanted them to be brought up would be gone… Not to mentioned the memories we had as the kids parents.. My children will already have a totally different life because Helen is not here with us so without me that would take even more of a shift.
I do realise though that kids/people are very resilient and although everything has an effect on people I know they will be fine whatever happens. It’s just not the way we wanted it but then again I am already in that position now.
I’ve been a single parent now for a while and I am no different to all the other single parents in this world. Although I guess I don’t get odd weekend off while the kids go to the other parent. I have found that I need to be super organised and anything extra than the norm makes a massive difference. Normal day to day life is full of so many small little jobs, washing, ironing, packed lunches, getting kids clothes out, cleaning, cooking, organising care for the kids, shopping, work… the list goes on. None of this is hard at all but put them all together they all add up and means I am generally constantly doing something and it’s only once the kids are asleep and all these jobs done I can relax.
When you add anything extra out of the norm it’s just another small task to add to the list and that can be strangely daunting. For instance I almost dread the times I get birthday party invitations through which I know sounds mad but it means I need to check my diary to see if we are free, work out if I can get the kid there, then I need to think about a card and present. Sounds crazy but these little extra things in life make a difference.
One thing I have never done though is begrudge my situation. I know I am lucky to be in my position so I just get on with what needs to get done and give the kids as much a normal life as possible.. What is normal anyway??
A recent tricky decision was to re-home our dog. Teagle was there with Helen before I was and she loved him so much. Thankfully through the last difficult year of Helen’s life our good friends looked after him which I know Helen was very happy about. For them though life became more busy so he had to come back to me. I tried to make it work but it was that extra thing to look after and the extra things to do that was a struggle. Plus with a full time job the poor thing was left alone quote a bit and any walk I did with him meant I needed to drag the whole family out me.. Nice on a weekend but not nice trying to fit that in before school.
I know Helen would want the best for him and for us so he is in the right place.. with a lady who loves dogs, can give him constant attention and walk him for hours.