The life of a young widowed father with the will to help others with advice and positivity.

Category: The Blog and Me

Blog Evolution

 

This blog site is evolving….

Initially the objective was all about me with the added extra of trying to help people. What with the astounding success, feedback and contact I have had from this I have realised I need to slightly change direction. The blog itself is doing what I intended it to do but I believe I can do it better by aiming it more towards helping people rather than about me. I figure you can easily get leaflets about cancer care, carers, bereavement, child bereavement, terminal illness, widows and widowers but the real worth is when you hear it all from the horses mouth so to speak… The people who have actually lived this and/or continue to live it.

So using my experiences I want people to come to my site and be able to navigate around it to easily find what they are looking for. It will do the same but a little different somehow.

Blog Evolution

I have made some minor changes to the site with more soon to come.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Questioning Myself

 

I know I have made it clear on The Aim  page why I have started doing this blog but I have no idea why I suddenly had the urge to do it. It just seemed like the right thing to do and before I knew it I had developed the website and I was ready to write my first blog post. I hesitated at that point wondering what to do…. 2 reason why I continued.

1. Because I had got this far I may as well give it a go

2. I figured something was pushing me in this direction so I should just go with it as I knew I had something to give

So, I wrote some blogs, launched it and the response has been fantastic.

So why at the weekend have I again questioned myself about it. Questions like..

Why

1. Why am I actually doing this?

2. Should I continue to focus on it?

3. If I do continue how do I reach out to more people? After all the point of this is to help people so I need to find the people who may think this could help them.

 

After thinking it through I realised that a lot of it boils down to the fact that I don’t want this to be about my story. About my wife and her struggles. Obviously that is the background but I want to steer this towards how we dealt with adversity in a positive way with humour and laughter and how that has continued on. This is obviously in my power to take it in the right direction.

With that my goal is to try to help people but I didn’t even know if I can help people with what I have to say. Should I focus on helping others when my own grief is still so raw?

But then I think about the updates I see from the WAY foundations Facebook page with often regular questions popping up from people. I have my answers to these question. Not necessarily the right answers for people but a different perspective with that positive twist I usually give.

I also questioned whether this is another thing for me to do to stop me thinking about the reality of what has happened. I often just find stuff to do in life to keep my mind occupied though I knew I would still write stuff down as I do that anyway because that helps me. Many times have I spent long nights just tapping away trying to extract some of the thoughts and emotions in my head. Even this post started taking its shape at 1am in the morning.

With all the writing I have been doing I already have about 30 blog posts themes ready to piece together. So why not share this?

I guess we all doubt ourselves sometimes and any new venture will exacerbate the doubt.

So still with these doubts the answers were given to me in I think an amazing way.

Last night I took some of my family out for some food to thank them for their help with the kids. I popped to the toilet with my daughter and on the way back the lady who owned the restaurant came to talk to me. She told me about someone she knew who found my site and who is going through some hardship of her own right now. She said my site was helping her get through these difficult times and that she checks it daily for any updates.

I was astonished. All those doubts faded away and it made me realise why I am doing this and that actually I can help people. In fact I know I already am and if this blog helps just one person then it’s met its target. Any more is a pure bonus for me.

Of course I should keep doing this and I should work harder to reach out to more people who may benefit from what I have to say.

I know I want to help people and I believe I can. I know Helen would approve as she was like me and would always lend her ear and help where she could.

So I shall continue to post blog updates and I will try and work out ways to reach out as far and as wide as I can.

If anyone out there can help me reach out further please get in touch.

1st Wedding Anniversary Without my Wife

 

The 1st Wedding anniversary without my wife..

We should have been married for 6 years tomorrow (22nd July 2013). When I see it written down like that I can’t help but think.. “is that all.. only 6 years”? Of course it was never long enough for us but if it was 50 years would that have ever been long enough? My thoughts here are that when you are happy with that one person you love you never want it to end. In fact we all never want any happiness to end.

So I have decided not to focus on the 6 years or that it wasn’t long enough. But rather about the quality of the time we had together and what we achieved.

I was never happier than when I was with Helen and I have never laughed and smiled like we did together. I know she felt the same about me. We were soul mates and best friends and we achieved so much in the time we had together. We got married, had 2 healthy beautiful amazing children, moved house, nice holidays, great days out, great evenings in. With what we had to contend with there was also a  fair few difficult times but like I have already said before all I really remember of the times we had together was fun, laughter and happiness.

I will also try and focus on the happiness of that day we married rather than the sadness of the fact it’s over. What a perfect day it was. Helen looked beautiful, all our guests enjoyed themselves, all went to plan and the weather was great but best of all we were husband and wife. We were so happy, in love and just starting what we thought was a long long life together. I feel lucky to have had that.

I am not saying I won’t be sad tomorrow. After all I’m not super human and I also think it’s important to feel that sadness to get you through the grief.

For me I would rather have had that time for 6 years rather than nothing at all and would do it all again tomorrow if I could. I was lucky to have her love and time no matter how long or short and even in the face of adversity we quite simply made the most of it and enjoyed it.

Anniversary Painting

 

This is a photo of the picture we both painted for our last anniversary together. Helen wasn’t feeling up to anything so I decided to cook her a nice meal and buy a canvas for us to paint together because she use to enjoy painting. We sat outside in the garden and painted this while reminiscing about our lives. It was the best anniversary, better than going to a spa or going out for a meal. We just had some time together with each other, enjoying each other and of course having fun.

Life is so fragile and nothing lasts forever whether it be 6 years or 50 years. The important thing is to enjoy it while it’s there because life can change in an instant.