The life of a young widowed father with the will to help others with advice and positivity.

Category: Positivity

If you want to do something why not go and do it?


If you want to do something why not go and do it?

Last week I performed in a local musical. 3 months of rehearsals and 5 shows to paying customers. Quite an achievement for me as I have never sang in front of anyone before and certainly never done anything like this before either. I had to learn some dialogue, had a solo singing part, learn some dance moved and was in the chorus’s.

The reason why I mention this is that I have asked myself many times whether I would have took the plunge and done this if my circumstances were different. Would I have taken the risk and pushed myself if I had a happy healthy home life? After all when you go through life generally you mould your life to a place that you are happy with while doing all the things you feel comfortable doing.

Why would I need to push myself in this direction if I didn’t need too even though I have always loved singing (thankfully I am not too bad at it)  and I have always loved musicals.

So would I have done it if Helen was still here and healthy?.… I guess the sad truth is probably not. I would have been too nervous, too embarrassed and just not confident enough.

This has made me think.. The simple facts are that it has taken the death is my wife to make me realise how short life is and how fragile it is. I now strive to understand what is important to me and about what I enjoy in life. This was the deciding factor to getting involved because what did I have to lose? Nothing at all. It was something I knew I would love so why was I not doing it.

I really had to push myself to gain the confidence to actually turn up on the first night, for the auditions, to sing in front of people, to rehearse in front of people and to actually do the shows. But, I have loved every single minute of it and it’s something I want to continue to do.

This has taught me a huge lesson which is if I love doing something I should simply go and do it. Nothing is stopping me apart from me.

Make it happen

How Do I Remain So Positive


So how do I remain so Positive?

Well quite simply… I don’t.

I’m not always positive at all and I certainly don’t believe anyone can remain positive and happy all the time. What I am able to do though is to recognise when those negative thoughts or sad emotions come into my head and to try and deal with them quickly. I flip them around to find any positives from it or I simply remind myself about how important it is for us all to continue with our lives with smiles on our faces.

Positive through grief, bereavement


Sometimes though the sadness and emotions can become too strong and difficult to deal with. When this has happened for me I consciously decide to take some time out and I let these thoughts linger in my head and do whatever it is they need to do. I kind of figure that they need to be there and need to get my attention for one reason or another. Maybe as part of the grieving process or just something I need to experience. Again though I don’t let them stay around for too long because the last thing I want is to let them drag me down or take me backwards. So, while I let them do what it is they need to do I also try and work through the positives or at least look for a positive outcome. This is I believe the key to how I stay on top of my situation and generally in a positive state.

For instance. One of the main thoughts which regularly pops in my head is about what Helen is missing out of in life especially when it comes to me and the kids. Now this thought is I am sure perfectly normal for any grieving person but it does provoke a sad and negative emotion. Initially this was hard to deal with and really brought me down however in time I realised that although such a sad loss for Helen she did actually achieve so many things in her life; many things that others will never achieve even if they live to 100 years old. She had a happy upbringing, good childhood, found true unconditional love, created 2 amazing human beings giving them a perfect start to life and made me very happy. Also with her naturally caring nature she indirectly taught me how to be a better Dad which in turn gives her much loved children what they need even without her around. So now when this sad thought pops into my head I have learnt to straight away think about what Helen has achieved in her life rather than what she has lost. Her loss is still sad but by doing this it just changes that negative thought into a positive one and therefore makes me smile.

I often think about whether I would be able to remain as positive if for instance one of my children were to become seriously ill or even if I were to lose one or both of my children. Now obviously these scenarios are horrific and not something I need to waste too much time on but I have had contact with some people who have sadly been faced with this so it does happen. The answer to my question is always… I don’t know…  What I do know though is that I would deal with it in some way because I believe humans are very resilient. If someone told me about what I would have to deal with after I married Helen I would have wondered how on earth I would be able to cope… But I did cope and I continue to cope. So from that I am sure I could cope with most things.

Other things I do to try an remain positive is to strip life back the basics. We are mammals, we live, we breath, we die and one day everything we touch will be no more. A harsh reality but a reality none the less. So what does this mean to me… It means I know I will die one day and I have no choice about that so until that day comes I may as well be happy.