How does a Widows grief compare to say the grief of losing a parent for instance?
Well of course all people deal with grief differently and certainly also depends on who that person is in relation to you. But for me I can see the difference in the grief I felt for my father and the grief I feel for my wife. But also maybe this depends on circumstance at the time!!
I was 29 when my father passed away, I had not long met Helen, we were living together, having fun and our wedding was 6 weeks away. My life was with Helen. Sure I went to work, saw my friends but I would always come home to Helen and leave her in the morning. Weekends we spent together shopping, walking, eating and just generally having fun with each other. I always knew my parents were either at the family home or not far away. I knew I could pick up the phone and they would answer and I knew I could pop over and feel like a little boy again with my mum feeding me anything I wanted.
So when my father passed away my life continued as it was. Obviously I was devastated and sad at the loss of someone so special and significant in my life. But, if you strip it all back my father had done his job and brought me up to become my own man and I was then living my own life. What I lost was my dad at the end of the phone or sat in his chair at the family home. I lost my Dad to talk too about stuff and to tell him what I had done or what I was going to do. I lost him seeing all the things I was going to achieve in the future but day to day nothing changed. I was able to get away from that grief because he wasn’t always in my life ever single day.
Why I think the grief differs slightly due to circumstance is that Helen was always in my life. Like before we got married we lived together and spent pretty much every waking moment together unless I was at work. We spent the evenings together and the weekends. We lived as one with our children, she was my best friend.
So the grief has to be different because I lost the person who was the other half of me, the other half of my everyday life and future. I can’t get away from it no matter what I do. In our bathroom in the morning cleaning my teeth she will pop into my mind because Helen use to stand there doing the same. Walking into the lounge she will pop into my head because she was sometimes sat in that room. I miss the texts I would receive when at work, miss the evenings together and the weekends. Miss her being there when the kids make me laugh or doing something amazing.
I believe the grief of a widow or widower has to be harder for these reasons. Day to day life is affected so dramatically and there is no change of running away from it.