Mummy has died and she will never be coming back.
These words seem to slip off the tongue so easily these days and the meaning of what I am actually saying doesn’t seem to register in my head.
The Kids and I obviously often talk about mummy and thankfully it’s mostly in a happy and positive way. There are times though when they are missing her or want her. During these times one of the kids will often ask me if mummy is coming back or when she is coming back. I know they know she won’t but it’s like they keep testing the water just in case I say something different.
I knew early on that I had to be honest with them about what had happened and I was sure with myself that I would never deviate from the facts.
Mummy is dead and she will never be coming back.
It’s the harsh truth and If I ever gave them any hope of anything different I knew it would knock them off their tracks and bringing them back on track would be difficult. So since that awful day I have had to constantly re-iterate the facts to my children. Initially it was daily and now it’s only now and then but like I said; I say those words as if I am a broken record and as if the meaning of what I am saying is not important.
Mummy is dead and she will never be coming back. A short and simple sentence but with an enormous meaning for my two kids.
When I realised just how nonchalant I was when saying these words I really had to think about why that was the case. I spent some time saying it out loud just to make myself hear it. I mean really properly hear it; understanding each word and the meaning behind the sentence. To be honest I quite prefer the broken record option rather than the realisation of it. Most of the time I won’t even realise the meaning of what I am saying and that’s fine with me. The kids will understand what I am saying and that’s the main thing. I know the reality of it all and I don’t need to be reminded of it so I will continue to say it as I do..
I think sometimes it’s OK to be like this. It sounds harsh but life is not always easy and certainly the events that have occurred in my life have been harsh. I also realise that I don’t need to immerse myself in it all the time. Saying these words like they mean nothing I think is OK as long as I don’t lose sight of their real meaning. I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I will continue to stick to the facts so the kids continue moving forward in the right direction.
So I maintain the points I mentioned in a previous Blog Post
- Mummy is never coming back
- We cannot get her back
- Mummy wanted us to live our lives and be happy
- It’s very sad mummy has died but we all deserve to live our lives and be happy
These point have given my kids the clear facts but also something positive for them to think about. Of course it’s sad what has happened but it’s true that no matter what happens all Helen and I wanted for our kids is happiness and there is nothing stopping them having that. Anyone who know them will never know what they have been through because they are two of the happiest little kids I have ever met. It’s a rare occasion to not see a smile on their faces.
I guess what I am trying to say here is that you can be honest with children. Sometimes brutally honest and still enable them to have a happy childhood. It’s not easy at all but it’s what they deserve.