Labelled a Widower
As soon as my wife passed away my status changed from married to widower in the blink of an eye. A label I don’t like too much but it’s been forced upon me. It’s not because of what it stands for because that’s out if my control and everything has to have a name. But, it’s because its seen as a negative thing. I see it as a negative thing and people on the outside looking in also see it like that. Of course though it is negative; It means my wife is no longer alive and that sparks off negative thoughts and emotions in me and in others. Everything has to have a name I guess..
Single Parent sounds much better and although that’s what I am however it just doesn’t tell the whole story.
One word… Widower… The story to a certain extent is told.
Being a widower could feel like I am not normal in some way. It certainly doesn’t seem normal to me but what is normal?
When Helen was too ill to leave the house or we had multiple trips to the hospital to attend we used to crave a normal life. A life where Helen was healthy and busy being a Mum and me at work being a Dad. Is that normal though? Helen in her wisdom would always remind us both that our life was normal. It was our kind of normal and our way of life, there is no standard life plan out there.
I am a widower now and a single parent to two young children. This means I can be a very lonely and I do have increased responsibility of my 2 children. I worry about my own health as the sole parent and sometimes worry I am doing the right thing by them. But….. this way of life is now my kind of normal. Not what I would have planned but it’s the way it is.
Together with this new label I have been automatically enrolled into instant membership to a horrible little club. It’s a club that’s doesn’t even exist but there is an obvious appreciation between people who are in this non-existent club. It’s a club of widowers and although I don’t want the label or want to be in this club I do find comfort in it. As a Widower I have experienced and continue to experience things that most will not. But due to the wonders of the internet and social sites I have met some amazing people wearing my type of shoes and living my type of normal. It makes me feel more normal.
I still don’t like the label much but following Helen’s advice and the people I have met I have learnt to accept the label and my new kind of normal.
It’s just the way it is
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