Over the time of living in my new world as a widower there have been many questions that I needed to find answers too. Most of the questions I had are very common for people in my position so I plan to try and cover off some of these questions in this and future blog posts with the hope that they help others find their own answers.
The first one is about the Wedding Ring and what on earth you do with it.
It’s these types of things that people think about when they have lost their husband/wife. Probably not something you would expect to think about until you are actually in this position though.
Should I keep it on my wedding finger?
Should I take it off completely?
Should I move it to another finger?
Should I melt it down to something else?
From my experience with my time on the WAY Foundation Facebook Page this question came up a lot and the answers were very varied. Some people not wanting to remove it at all. Some removing it straight away. Others leaving it on until they found someone else. This is certainly a personal decision for anyone and there is no right or wrong.
For me though there were some clear facts that helped me make my decision…
I was no longer a married man. This in itself is a massive realisation to deal with but it was fact. The vows I took on my wedding day included. ‘in sickness and in health until death do us part’
So as I am the kind of person who thinks black is black and white is white; If it’s grey then its’ grey and so on. In my brain you should only have a wedding ring on if you are married. After all that’s is what it means isn’t it. A ring on your wedding finger means you are married.. No ring means you are not. Now I know it’s not that simple but to me it is.
The other deciding factor was that my marriage and my wedding ring means everything to me. I meant all of my vows, I loved Helen and will continue to love her forever.
So personally I had to remove the ring from my wedding finger. It just didn’t feel right being there but at the same time I wanted to keep it on to remind me of my wife and the love we shared.
It now resides on the third finger of my right hand which is where I want it to stay forever.
As I said before this is a very personal yet important decision for any widow and there is no right or wrong answer. This is just my thought process and my decision.